Breaking Up is Hard to Do
by JaninaM8
Summary: AU: All human. Loki and Jane have split, but Loki is not about to let her go that easily.
1. Chapter 1

I

"No one breaks up with Loki and gets away with it," Darcy Lewis said with a kind of definitiveness that would make one think she had experience with that.

Jane Foster, Darcy's best friend, watched Darcy look past her and track someone walking somewhere behind them. She placed her beer down on the table they were sharing and sighed. She knew whom Darcy was watching. "Loki's here, huh?"

"In all his emo glory. Or is he a hipster? I can't tell. Both, maybe?"

"I'm not turning around to look. Could it be possible that he just showed up at random and isn't actually stalking me?"

"Possible but not likely. You remember this is how you ended up dating him, right?"

"Yes, of course. He showed up after my every class to walk me to my next one."

"And threatened to tell my World Studies professor I cheated on a test," Darcy grumbled. "Unless, of course, I told him your entire schedule." She sat back, continuing to watch him. "This is apparently how he plans to get you back, too."

"Has he looked over here yet?"

"No, he's being all stealthy about it and sitting at the bar– oh. He's looking now." Darcy waved to him with a big smile and then laughed.

"What happened?" Jane asked, refusing to turn around and look.

"He glared at me. If looks could kill…"

Jane groaned and hunched over the table, burying her face in her hands. "Why? Why me?"

"Hey now. It could be worse. Loki's hot, so at least there's that. You could have someone hideous stalking you."

Jane looked up at her. "I'd rather no one did, Darcy. It's not helpful to the moving on process when he shows up everywhere I go!"

Darcy sat back on a sigh and looked at her friend consideringly. "I kind of feel bad for him. And you."

Jane sat up and took a long sip of her beer. "It's for the best, Darcy. Loki was moving way too fast and it was too intense. I want to focus on finishing Grad School and hopefully get a good job after I graduate while Loki—"

"Wants to focus on getting you barefoot and pregnant before you even graduate?"

Jane nodded. "Yes." What remained unsaid was how Jane had already been pregnant and miscarried. Loki had been beside himself with joy while Jane had been terrified of being a mother and horrified that her life was over. This had not been her plan for her life, at least not for a while.

Loki had somehow eased her fears to the point where she thought maybe getting pregnant wasn't such a bad thing. He was talking marriage and living together and for a while Jane had gotten swept up in the romance of it all. She loved Loki and he loved her, so why wouldn't this be a good thing?

But then she'd miscarried. And afterwards, she'd woken up and realized this was not what she wanted and had to make some changes. Breaking up with Loki was part of that change.

His intensity and single-minded focus to their relationship was overwhelming and she needed to take a step back and find herself again. She should have known though that Loki wouldn't just accept that. He had dropped off the planet for about a week, she hadn't even seen him on campus, but then he'd slowly started to make himself known by being everywhere she was.

It wasn't so much creepy as just annoying.

Seeing him reminded her how much she missed him and how everything seemed to ache for him. She refused to even look his way, knowing that he just wanted to get under her skin and wear her down.

Well, he was already under her skin and he had worn her down already – but not in the way he'd probably wanted. Love was not the issue; it had never been with Loki. It was just the feeling of moving way too fast and not being strapped in for the ride.

"Loki seems like the kind of guy who figured out what he wanted by, like, the age of ten," Darcy said. "Like he had it all figured out and set a time on everything and then methodically made sure to his those marks."

"So, am I just a mark he had to hit? 'Get girl you plan to marry in grad school. Marry said girl after Grad school and then knock her up.' I don't think he actually planned on getting me pregnant, but he was talking marriage on our third fucking date. I should have run."

"But you didn't because you were already ga-ga over him."

Jane felt like crying. "Yes."

"And you still are."

"Love isn't the problem, Darcy. The problem is that I…it was just so much all at once. Loki is…intense. I need to reassess what I'm doing and what I want. I had plans, too. But my plans didn't coincide with his. Marriage and being pregnant wasn't even close to being on the table until after I had a good, stable job."

"Life happens, Jane," Darcy pointed out.

"Yes, it does. And I believe that I miscarried because it wasn't the right time." She looked down and wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to dwell on the miscarriage. While she may have not been ready to have a child, the idea that she had lost that life growing inside her that was part her and part Loki still stung. She looked back up at Darcy who watched her with a sympathetic look on her face. "Can we talk about something else? This is all part of his plan, ya know. He shows up and makes us talk about him and how he's stalking me and how we loved each other and I just don't want to do that. Let's talk about—"

"Jane Foster. Darcy Lewis."

The women looked up to find Thor, Loki's brother standing there with a grin on his handsome face and a beer in his hand. His blue eyes were bright with merriment. "May I join you?" he asked, but then he didn't give either woman time to give an answer before he was pushing his way into the booth beside Jane.

"How are we tonight?" he asked, looking from Jane to Darcy.

Darcy smirked at him. "We're fine. How buzzed are you right now?"

Thor shrugged. "Not much. A little." He placed his beer down and sat back, looking down at Jane. "Are you still coming to my mother's get together this weekend?"

Jane blinked. "Loki and I broke up."

Thor nodded. "I know."

She waited for him to get it, but he didn't seem to. "So I'm not going," she said slowly.

"Why not?"

Jane heaved a deep sigh. "Because as I just mentioned, Loki and I broke up. Did he send you over here?"

Thor looked puzzled. "No…is he here?"

Darcy pointed to the bar. "At the bar."

Thor looked over his shoulder and burst into laughter. "Well, look at that. So he is here."

Jane sighed and rolled her eyes and Darcy just looked amused.

Thor looked at Jane again. "So? You coming?"

Jane prayed for patience. "No, Thor, I'm not. Loki and I broke up ergo any commitments I made with him regarding your family is null and void."

"But my mother wants you to come."

Jane felt a part of her soften. She really did have a soft spot for Frigga Odinson. Frigga had welcomed Jane into the family fold and had really been like a mother figure to Jane. Jane's own mother had never been as warm and understanding as Frigga was. Jane loved the woman, but she also knew that she could not attend a weekend long trip to the beach to celebrate Frigga's 60th birthday. It would be awkward and weird and just…no.

"I will see her before you guys take her away to Maine for the weekend," Jane told him.

"Jane, no, she wants you there for the party and the festivities. She keeps talking about taking you on the boat ride along the shores of Ogunquit just as she told you about."

"I'm sure if I talk to her about why I can't go she'll understand."

Thor smirked. "Then you don't know my mother well."

"She just wants me and Loki to get back together," Jane said and began twirling her bottle of beer in circles on the table.

"Probably, but she's not going to push the issue. Mother is very good about staying out of our affairs."

Jane wasn't sure about that for why else would Frigga be insisting Jane go away with them this weekend? "I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"Good luck," Thor said with a chuckle. "You're gonna need it."


	2. II

II

"Jane! What a pleasant surprise!" Frigga exclaimed joyously when Jane walked into the Odinson formal living room. It was where they did their entertaining of guests and Jane well remembered always feeling as though she could not touch anything in the room. She remembered Loki telling her once that their Boston home had once been feautured in the Boston magazine. Jane could believe it. From the paintings to the statues to the plush area rugs, the room was pristine and gorgeous. Plus, there were always a few vases full of fresh flowers.

Today, it was peonies that sat in the vase on the baby grand. Jane felt her heart topple over when she remembered how Loki had played for her. She had been mesmerized watching his fingers fly across the keys. He had played with such passion…the same kind of passion that he brought to everything in his life. Including her.

Jane looked away from the baby grand and came over to Frigga who sat on the flowered cream sofa, holding out one hand. Jane took it and squeezed and then sat down beside her.

"Are you preparing for the weekend?" Frigga asked with a smile.

Jane bit her lip. "Um, yeah, about that…"

"Is there a problem?"

Looking at Loki and Thor's mother, one would never know she was turning sixty. She was stunning with her strawberry blond hair that was always perfectly coiffed and gorgeous skin that Jane could only pray to have when she was Frigga's age. Not to mention she was always dressed to the nines. Currently she was wearing some kind of flowy turquoise pants and a matching top, and Jane felt rather frumpy in a pair of jeans she hadn't washed in a week and a long sleeved shirt.

"Well, as you probably know Loki and I broke up," Jane said carefully. "I don't think it's right that I go on your birthday trip this weekend with Loki and I having broken up. It would be awkward and uncomfortable I think for all involved—"

"Loki has assured me that he harbors no ill will toward you," Frigga said. "And that you broke up amicably. Are you angry with him, dear?"

"No," Jane said slowly. _Though I could really do without his turning up wherever the hell I go. And for probably putting all this in motion._ "But still. I just think it would be hard on both of us to be—"

"Jane, my darling!"

Jane looked up to find Loki striding into the formal living room with a grin on his face. God, she hated how her entire being reacted to him. The sight of that gorgeous face, that black hair that curled at the nape, and those piercing green eyes…Fuck. Him.

"Oh, I suppose I can no longer call you 'my darling', eh?" he said and stopped before Frigga and Jane.

Jane cleared her throat and gestured to Frigga. "I was just telling your Mom how it would be a bit awkward for us if I were to go away with you all this weekend."

"I don't believe it would be awkward at all. We'll be there for my Mother, Jane. Not for us."

Jane barely resisted the urge to kick him. She could reach too, from where she was sitting. "I know that, Loki," she said with faux politeness. "I understand that this weekend is for your Mother and that is why I think it a good idea that I bow out so as to not let anything disrupt that."

"What would disrupt it?" Loki asked. "We've split up. End of story."

_Was it though?_ she wanted to ask. Was it really the end of the story if he was showing up everywhere she went? Including now to his mother's home?

"Jane, do you remember how I told you of Perkins Cove and my favorite shop in Ogunquit?" Frigga asked.

Jane dragged her gaze back to Frigga. "I do."

Frigga reached out and grasped her hands. "I want to share those things with you. You are the daughter I never had. I felt that from the first, and it would mean so much to me for you to be there." Frigga frowned and looked saddened. "Unless it is too painful for you to be around Loki?"

_It might be painful for Loki by the time I'm through with him, _Jane thought angrily. "No, it won't be too painful to be around Loki."

"We did say we'd be friends after all," Loki added.

That was it. Jane was going to drown him in the ocean. "Of course. Friends." She smiled tightly. "I will join you this weekend."

Frigga beamed at her. "I'm so glad. Thank you, Jane, this means so much to me."

Jane smiled back at her and looked up at Loki who smirked and headed towards the bar. Oh yeah. He'd planned this. He was going down.

"Have you eaten lunch?" Frigga asked her. "I could have Cook whip something up for us…?"

"No, no, I need to well, now I need to pack," Jane replied with a little laugh.

"I'll see you out," Loki said immediately and put down the glass of orange juice he'd just poured.

"Great!" Jane said with faux enthusiasm, causing Loki to shoot her a look.

"I will see you here then, Jane, at ten a.m. on Friday?" Frigga asked, still on the sofa.

"Of course," Jane said and hoped she could drive up with Thor and not Loki. She might not be able to stop herself from shoving him out the car.

Once they were in the foyer and out of earshot of Frigga, Jane pushed Loki on the arm and he looked at her, the very picture of innocence. "Problem, my love?"

"Don't you 'my love' me, Loki Odinson. You know exactly what my fucking problem is."

"Jane—"

"Word of advice? We go on that boat trip and I'd watch your back because first chance I get I'm tossing you over and trust me, I will make it look like an accident," she hissed.

Loki burst into laughter. "My little kitten always did have claws."

"I'm not your anything anymore, Loki," she said angrily. "And don't think I'm not on to your games and tricks."

Before he could even form a reply, Jane left, fuming all the way to her car and then all the way back to campus.

xxxxxxxxx

"Loki, do you know what you're doing?" Frigga asked when Loki came back into the living room after seeing Jane off.

Loki looked at his mother. "Don't tell me you don't want her to go now."

"I'm just not sure if this is a good idea," Frigga said with a sigh. "I truly do love Jane like the daughter I never had, and I do not want to see her hurt."

"What about me?" Loki demanded angrily. "I'm hurting, does my pain not count?"

"That's why I am not sure this is a good idea. Perhaps you two need a break from each other—"

"We have had a break from each other. For the past two weeks. Just one day without Jane is long enough, the past two weeks have been unbearable."

Frigga sighed. "You can't force a reunion, Loki."

"I'm not forcing a reunion, Mother. I simply wish to remind Jane of how well we do together." Loki sat down and looked at his mother helplessly. "I love her, Mother. You have always told me how you knew that Father was the one the instant you met him. Well, that's how I felt about Jane the instant I met her. She is the one, the only one, for me. And I know she feels the same way for me. I just need to remind her of that."

"If I sense at any point that either of you are miserable being around one another, I will put an end to it, Loki. Do you understand me?" Frigga asked sternly.

Loki nodded. "I would expect nothing less."

Frigga got to her feet. "I'm going to take my afternoon constitutional. Do you wish to join me?"

Loki shook his head. "No, thank you."

Frigga nodded, patted her son on the head, and left. Loki heaved a sigh and leaned forward. He placed his elbows on his thighs and buried his face in his hands. He was having a hard time breathing without Jane.

He reclined back, placing his head on the back of the sofa pillows and stared up at the ceiling. They had been so happy…

"I will fix this," he vowed. "I will fix this and get my Jane back."


	3. III

I have been a bit blocked the past few days...sorry the chapter is not longer!

III

Friday morning at 9:45, Jane drove down the long and rather wide Odinson driveway and stopped a few feet from where Thor and his father stood before Thor's silver Nissan.

Thor turned and spotted her and started to laugh. Jane barely resisted the urge to flip him off. He had warned her after all. She looked at him witheringly and he jogged over to her as she rolled down the window.

"So, the conversation with Mother didn't go as anticipated?" he asked.

"No. I suspect though that your brother had something to do with that."

"Most likely. There's a spot in the garage, you can park there."

"Thanks."

After parking in the garage and taking her suitcase out of the car, Jane made her way over to Thor to find out if she was riding up with him, and if she wasn't, to ask if she could.

"You can," he told her after she'd asked, "But Loki is riding up with me as well."

"I suppose if I decided to ride up with your parents…"

"He would ride up with them instead."

Jane sighed. "Okay, well, I guess it doesn't matter then."

Thor took her suitcase and placed it in the trunk of his car. "I know this is difficult for you. Can I tell you that it's difficult for him as well? Jane, I couldn't get him out of bed for a week after you guys split. He didn't eat, he didn't shower, and he didn't do any work – and you know how he is about his classes. I'm still not certain he is even eating yet."

Jane didn't want to hear this. She knew there was pain involved in breaking up, but her instinct when hearing about Loki hurting was to help him. She thought about finding him now and making him eat something, but she knew she couldn't. It frustrated her, this whole thing frustrated her. It wasn't as if she broke up with him and stopped loving him. No way. She loved him just as much and she missed him so desperately.

Tears stung her eyes and she looked away from Thor to hide it and started for the house. "I'm going to say hello to your Mother."

Jane kept her head down in an effort to hide the fact that she was upset, and in doing so ended up knocking into someone on her way in the house.

"Jane." It was Loki. Of course. He grabbed her arms. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry; I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Darling, look at me." Of course Loki could tell she was upset.

She looked up into his concerned face. "Thor said you're not eating," she blurted out. "Is that true?"

He looked startled at first, and then his mouth set in a grim line. "Thor should mind his own business."

"I don't want you to not eat and take care of yourself, Loki," she said. "Have you eaten today? If not, let's go now and get something to—"

Loki squeezed her arms. "Ssshhhh, Jane, stop. Sweetheart, I've eaten. Mother made a feast this morning."

Jane sighed and nodded. "Okay, good."

"I thought it was no longer your job to worry about me."

"Do you think I'm as changeable as that? That I would just stop caring, stop lov—" she broke off and sighed and Loki released his grip on her arms. "I still care about you." Her voice wobbled and she felt the sting of tears return.

"Then why…?"

"You know why."

"I don't think I do anymore."

"It's too much, Loki. With you it's so intense and I feel like I get lost and forget that I have my own goals and things that I want to accomplish. I lose myself in you."

"It's the same for me with you," he said softly. "I guess the difference is I don't mind losing myself in you."

"It's not the same. You are self-possessed still. It's just that what I want gets lost in the plans you have for us."

"Jane! You're here!"

Loki and Jane looked up to find Frigga coming down the stairs with a bright smile on her face. She looked between them then with a frown. "Have I interrupted something?"

"Yes," Loki said at the same time Jane said, "No." They looked at one another and then Loki sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I'm going to see if Thor needs any help."

After Loki departed, Frigga came down the rest of the stairs and looked at Jane in concern. "Is everything all right, Jane?"

"Everything is fine," Jane replied, a little too quickly. She sighed and raked a hand through her hair. "Thor told me Loki hadn't been eating and I was worried about him. I was just making sure he was taking care of himself."

Frigga's smile was sad. She reached out and placed a hand on Jane's arm. "You love him still."

"Of course I do."

"May I ask why you put an end to your relationship then?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Frigga. You're his mother and I'm just the ex."

"You're more than 'the ex', Jane. Did I not tell you that I consider you the daughter I never had?"

"Which would make my relationship with Loki a little incestuous."

Frigga made a face. "Then I take it back."

The women laughed together and Odin came up then, putting his arm around Frigga. "Are we ready, ladies?"

"Yes," Jane said, feigning cheeriness. "All ready to go."

xxxxxxxxx

"I'll take the backseat," Loki told Jane when they met at Thor's car. "I know you get carsick in the back."

"Thank you," Jane said softly and climbed into the car. She had a headache already and the new car smell in Thor's car wasn't helping. She rolled down the window as they pulled out onto the street and asked how long it would take to get to Ogunquit.

"Just an hour and a half," Thor said.

"Are you feeling well, Jane?" Loki asked, his voice in his ear.

"I've got a bit of a headache is all," she said and turned her head to look at him. "You should be buckled."

He rolled his eyes and sat back, but then a minute later when she'd closed her eyes and focused on relaxing she felt Loki's cool hand at her neck, massaging it. She held back a moan. Loki had the magic touch. He knew how to make her muscles melt under his expert hands. He also knew how to do other wonderful things with his hands that had nothing to do with relaxing her. Jane's eyes popped open. Thinking about sex with Loki was not a good road to go down. Espeically since they were broken up and especially since Thor was sitting right next to her.

"I'm fine, Loki," she muttered and shrugged off his touch.

"Jane, stop being stubborn and just relax."

"Loki, no."

His hand left her and she felt like crying all over again.

"So, what shall we listen to?" Thor said, no doubt trying to defuse the tension in the car.

This was going to be a long ass weekend.


	4. IV

**IV**

**Flashback**

_Jane just wanted something to read that wasn't science and stars. Something that she could lose herself in. Something mindless. Contrary to what most people on campus thought, she did not always live and breathe her studies. She did like a break once in a while, especially when her tension headaches starting coming frequently. _

_Blowing some air out of her mouth, she looked up from the stacks and around the library just to see what was going on around her. Sometimes she neglected to do that. The other day she had almost walked into a tree because she hadn't been paying attention to where she was going and her nose was in one of her textbooks. Thankfully, she'd looked up just as she was about to collide with the thing. _

_She looked to the side and her eyes fell on a guy staring straight at her. She looked quickly away thinking 'Holy crap, he's hot!' and then looked back at the books in front of her. She wasn't really looking at the books though, she was thinking of the guy and wondering if she'd seen him on campus before. _

_She rolled her neck to one side and then to the other to look at him again. He was still staring at her. Jane froze. He was just blatantly staring at her. It shocked her so much that he didn't even look away that she could do nothing else but stare back. He had black hair that was wavy and fell just below his ears. He had intense green eyes that made Jane feel as though he could read her every thought just by looking at her. He was dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt and he was leaning back in his hair with one leg propped up on the other. He looked relaxed and not at all bothered to have been caught staring at her. __**What the fuck, weirdo, **__she thought. He smirked as though he'd heard her. _

_She looked back at the books in front of her and then decided it was time to leave. She crept out of the stacks __**away**__ from him and left in a hurry. She kept looking over her shoulder just in case he was some kind of rapist and she needed to get her Mace out. _

_She never did see him following her. _

_xxxxxxxx_

_A few days later after the incident in the library, Jane was sitting in the quad with Darcy. The sun was beating down on them on a particularly warm October afternoon and while Darcy texted someone; Jane lifted her face up to the sky and sighed. She could take a nap right there. It was warm, it was beautiful out, and they were on a blanket. She could just use her backpack as a pillow… _

_She opened her eyes to situate herself and there he was, that guy from the library that had been staring at her. He was walking on the pavement and he was staring right at her, a soft smile on his face. _

_Jane wondered if he could see her looking at him with her sunglasses on. "Darcy," she muttered. _

_"__Hmm?"_

_"__Darcy, that guy. The one with the green shirt and black jeans."_

_Darcy looked up and right over at him. "Yeah?"_

_"__Jesus, don't actually look at him!"_

_"__Oh, hey, I know him!" _

_"__You do?"_

_"__Yeah, he's in my World Studies class. From the way he talks, I think he's planning on world domination."_

_"__What's his name?"_

_"__Uh…Loki. I think. Why? You think he's cute?"_

_"I caught him staring at me the other night in the library."_

_Darcy chortled. "Kind of like he's doing now?"_

_"__Yes. And we're not helping by staring back." Jane looked down and grabbed a textbook from the side and opened it. It was upside down. Whatever. "So he's a Political Science major?"_

_"__I guess. I don't really know."_

_Darcy Lewis, everyone: a wealth of information. _

_"__He's gone, Jane. You can stop reading the textbook upside down now."_

_Jane just glared at her and Darcy smirked and went back to her phone._

_xxxxxxxx_

_"__Why the hell does this crap happen to me? I mean really. It's not enough that I get a flat tire, but I get one in the fucking rain," Jane muttered as she used the jack to lift the car far enough so that she could change her tire. She was sopping wet and no, she was not going to be making it to class. Not like this. _

_"__Do you need help?"_

_"__I'm fine!" Jane called out, not bothering to look up and only barely noting the British accent of the person who'd just approached. _

_"__It does appear you have everything well in hand, but I'd still like to help."_

_The voice sounded a lot closer now and Jane looked to her side and locked eyes with a pair of green ones. She reared back. It was him! "You!" she exclaimed. _

_He smiled knowingly. "Me?"_

_"__You keep staring at me!" _

_"__Do I?"_

_She glared at him and looked back at her tire. She needed to get the nuts off. Speaking of nuts…she glanced back at Loki. _

_He laughed softly. "Yes, Jane, I was looking at you. Quite a bit. I have a habit of looking at beautiful things."_

_She blushed and then furrowed her brows. "How do you know my name?"_

_"__I may or may not have asked your friend Darcy." He held out a hand. A wet hand. "Loki Odinson. Political Science major. And I am planning world domination."_

_Jane couldn't help but laugh. "Hi, Loki. Hand me that wrench?"_

_Loki grinned and picked it up off the ground and handed it to her. _

_Once they were finished, Jane, the drowned rat, held out her hand to shake the hand of the equally drowned rat, Loki. He took it and then kissed her knuckles. "Until next time, sweet Jane," he told her. _

_xxxxxxx_

_Next time ended up being after her first class the next morning. When Jane left the class she found Loki standing against a locker in the hallway. He grinned and pushed away from it when she came out. _

_"__Hello, Jane Foster," he greeted her. "How's your car faring?"_

_She smiled nervously. "It fares fine, Loki Odinson. How did you know…?" she pointed behind her at the classroom. _

_He grinned. "I may or may not have also asked Darcy a few other questions. May I walk you to your next class?"_

_Turned out Loki had asked Darcy for Jane's entire schedule. If he didn't have a class, he was meeting her at the end of hers to walk her to her next one. Then they met for lunch a few times. And then, one afternoon Loki kissed her outside a class she was about to go into and Jane knew she was in big, big trouble. _

End Flashback

Jane jerked out of her reverie by Thor announcing quite loudly, "Here we are!" and turning the radio down.

She shifted in her seat and looked up at the house Thor was driving down the driveway of. It was three stories tall complete with a widow's walk. The house was green with golden trim and boasted a wrap around porch, a verdant lawn that looked almost fake - and the best part? It looked out on Marginal Way, a path that went along the Ogunquit coastline. The view was incredible.

"You look positively gobsmacked, Jane," Loki said from the backseat. That was the most he'd said the whole trip up. It had been a very quiet trip up for it seemed all three of them had been lost in their own thoughts, favoring the blaring of the radio over talking.

"I think I am," Jane said. "Is that wrong?"

He chuckled. "I don't think so. It is a very beautiful home. I'm glad you have a chance to see it."

Once they parked, Thor opened the trunk and Jane grabbed her luggage. Loki appeared beside her and smiled. "May I show you to your room?"

She nodded and followed Loki inside. Inside was a small foyer and directly across the door were stairs that led up to the upper floors. To the right was an open living room with a fireplace and polished wood floors and huge windows. To the left was a dining room that looked as though it went possibly into a kitchen – Jane could not wait to explore.

Up the stairs Loki led her up to the third floor and down a long hallway with a side table and a mirror here and there with shells and bowls of sand. "Oh, how adorable!" Jane explained, pointing at one.

Loki chuckled. "Every year we come we take some sand and a few shells to add to the collection. We put the year on the back of the bowl."

"That's a wonderful tradition," Jane murmured.

Loki came to a white door, pushed it open and stepped aside. "After you, Miss Foster."

Jane passed by him and walked in the room. It was white, so very white and beautiful. The floors were painted black and purposefully scuffed to look old. The white furniture, upon closer inspection was the same. Shabby chic. The four-poster bed was high enough that Jane wondered if she'd need a step stool to get into it. And then there was balcony doors covered with white gauzy curtains.

"Oh my God, Loki!" she squealed in excitement and beelined for the doors. She opened them, letting in a gust of sea air and inhaled deeply before stepping out onto the small balcony that held a table and two chairs.

She placed her hands on the railing and stared out the sea crashing onto the rocks. She could see people walking by on the Marginal Way path. "I would never leave," she whispered to no one in particular.

Loki placed a hand on her shoulder and they stood together like that for a long while. Then he kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to help Thor. I'll be back to show you the rest of the house."

Jane nodded, feeling choked up. In this very romantic setting how the hell was she going to keep Loki at arms length?


	5. V

**V**

Jane unpacked a few things quickly and then went to see what she could do to help everyone elese, particularly Frigga and Odin. Frigga informed her that Anna, whoever the hell Anna was, would have lunch set out in an hour so she was free to do whatever she wanted until then.

So then Anna was the Cook? Interesting. Not surprising, but still interesting that the Odinsons had servants – was there a better term for it now? – in Ogunquit just as they did in Boston. Oh, what a different life they led. No wonder Loki thought that when he wanted something he would just get it. He'd lived his whole life that way.

Jane made her way down the stairs and though Loki had wanted to show her around, Jane figured she was more than capable of showing herself around. She started in the living room and made her way around the bottom floor. She kept stopping to stare at something that caught her eye – a knickknack, the scenery, a beautiful piece of furniture, or a photograph. The house had the same shabby chic beach theme, which Jane wished she could replicate in her apartment in Boston. However, a beach theme in the heart of the city didn't seem like it would fit.

The living room passed into a less formal looking living room, then a rather large kitchen with a bathroom tucked around a small hallway in the corner and then, finally, the dining room. She then made her way outside, figuring it would be best to stay out of everyone's way as they moved about upstairs. She made her way down the steps to the lawn and stood there, staring out at the water. Passerby's on Marginal Way glanced her way but basically kept to themselves.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Loki said from behind her as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

Jane slipped away from his touch and nodded. "It is. Lunch ready?"

"It's being put out now. Mother has decided that after we're going sailing."

Jane beamed with joy. "Great. I'm going to see if anyone needs help with lunch." She bounded off, thinking that it was best to give Loki a wide berth this weekend. If they were going to be doing things with the whole family, then it was possible she would succeed with that.

Loki sighed as he watched Jane run off. He should have known she was going to make things difficult. When had anything with Jane been easy?

**Flashback**

_Loki looked around the stands, feeling quite bored – why did he allow his friends to drag him to college football games he cared nothing about? He'd rather be home reading a good book or visiting Jane and kissing those sweet lips of hers…_

_Loki started as he caught sight of her then. She was making her way through the cheering crowd…with a guy. What the fuck? Who the hell was that? Why was she with some fucking guy?_

_Loki stood, ignoring his friends who asked where he was going and he paid little attention to anyone's feet he might have stepped on in his quest to get to Jane. He got to the part of the stadium that didn't require stepping over people and jogged to where he'd seen her and then made his way down the stands. _

_"__Jane!" he called out from the end of her row. "Jane Foster!"_

_She looked down one side, around, and then finally she saw him. She frowned and then waved. The guy next to her leaned in to say something and she answered him as she stood and then made her way to Loki. _

_Loki, meanwhile, was trying his best to keep his temper under control. When she finally got to him she smiled up at him in slight confusion. "Hey."_

_"__Jane, who is that man you're with?"_

_"__That's Bruce, he's a friend from class—"_

_"__Just a friend? Or are you on a date with him?"_

_She blinked. "Oh, uh, I think we're just here as friends." She shifted from one foot to another. "I'm really terrible at these sorts of things."_

_Loki glanced at Bruce who was watching them with great interest. He looked back at Jane. "I think he believes this is a date. It is not."_

_"__It's not? But you just said—"_

_"__Did you forget that you're my girlfriend?"_

_Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened and closed again. "I am?" she finally said. _

_Tired of being jostled with people going up and down the stands, Loki took Jane's hand and said, "Follow me."_

_He led her up to where the concession stands and bathrooms were and took her to a fairly secluded corner. "Jane, how have you missed that you and I are dating? That I'm your boyfriend? I kissed you on Friday before your class, do you remember that?"_

_Her cheeks reddened. "I do remember that, but how was I supposed to know what that meant? You never said anything!"_

_"__I didn't realize I had to. We've been dating for weeks now."_

_"__You mean those lunches and walking me to class? Jesus, Loki. Everyone on campus does shit like that it doesn't mean they're dating! I just thought we were friends …"_

_He arched a brow. "I don't go out of my way to walk women to class, Jane. When I do it, it means something. I thought you understood that when I kissed you. And you let me."_

_"__Well, I mean…__**yeah**__. But you have to __**say**__ something. You can't just expect me to figure these things out because I am bad with guys and bad with dating. I was just waiting for you to ask me out on a real date and then you didn't so I didn't know what was going on. I didn't want to assume anything."_

_"__After the way I pursued you, you still doubted me?"_

_She threw up her arms. "Yes! I thought you were interested at first but then you never asked me out on a date so I thought maybe not so much anymore…"_

_"__I want to take you out on a real date. I just figured you needed some time to get a little more used to me. I'm not oblivious to the fact that I am an acquired taste. Plus, I've had massive amounts of homework from the sadists we call professors. Jane, I want to be with you. Only you. Do you want to be with me, too?" Like he would let her say no, but he knew she'd resent it if she weren't asked._

_Her beautiful mouth blossomed into a smile and she nodded. _

_Happy now that that was settled, Loki drew her close and kissed her passionately. "Good. Now tell that tosser you're leaving the game and coming with me."_

**End Flashback**

_xxxxxxxxxx_

Lunch was a rowdy affair as most meals could be the Odinson's. Jane just sat back and watched them talk over each other in an effort to be heard. She had always enjoyed watching the brothers vie for their parent's attentions and tease each other. Dinner at her house growing up had always been quiet and uneventful. Boring, even. While Jane did like her quiet time, she did enjoy seeing such a boisterous group.

When lunch – caprese, salad, and tuna salad sandwiches – was over, Frigga pulled Jane aside to make sure she was all right.

"I'm fine, really," Jane told her. "It's beautiful here."

"It truly is," Frigga said with a beaming smile. "Perhaps later we can all walk Marginal Way and head into Perkins Cove for some shopping."

"Sounds great," Jane said, and meant it. Despite the issues between her and Loki, and the fact that he was intent on capitalizing on the magic of the place, she was having a good time.

So far anyway. The day was young – the whole weekend was young – and Jane was sure Loki was just getting started.

xxxxxxxxx

The sun was hot and Jane felt as though it was beating right down on her and her alone. There was a cool breeze off the water, but the problem was they weren't going fast enough in the sail boat for her to really feel cool. So, she felt as though she was baking. And with the rocking of the boat, she felt…nauseous.

She leaned to the side and placed her hand in her chin, staring out at the water and concentrating on not tossing her cookies. Her first sailboat ride that Frigga had been so excited about and Jane would show her joy by throwing up? No.

"You look deep in thought," Thor said as he sat down beside Jane. Loki was having a chat with him Mom on the other side of the boat.

Jane looked at him and said discreetly, "I am trying not to throw up."

Thor's eyes widened. "That's not good. Do you want some water?"

Jane nodded. "I would like that, but I'm afraid if I stand up everyone will know."

Thor pointed at her and grinned. "You got it."

He got up and went to the cooler to procure her a bottled water and Jane looked back out at the water and took a deep breath.

"Jane?"

Now Loki was visitng her. She looked at him. "Yes?"

He frowned. "You don't look well."

She sighed. Of course he would be the one to know she wasn't feeling well just by looking at her. That's what happened when you had a boyfriend that paid rapt attention to every move you made and every look you had. Loki always knew exactly what she was thinking before she even said it aloud.

**Flashback**

_"__It creeps me out when you do that," Jane moaned in complaint one afternoon while her and Loki were curled up in his bed. The afternoon sun seeped through the curtains at the head of his bed and Loki had snagged her against his front after she'd tried to roll away. He bent his head and nuzzled her neck._

_"__What does?" he murmured. _

_"__When you can just read me like you just did." _

_He'd mentioned going out that night, to a bar to see some band. Jane had apparently made a face that she was unaware of. _

_"__You don't have a poker face, love. I can read your every thought right there on your face."_

_She turned in his arms and looked at him, brushing some hair back that had flopped in his face. "I can never read you like that well," she pouted. "It's not fair."_

_He chuckled deeply. "I've devoted myself to the task of learning every little thing about you," he murmured. "Every nuance. Every look. Every move you make is to be treasured. I want to know your every thought, every wish…"_

_She put her finger to his mouth. "You're doing it again."_

_He moved her finger away. "Overwhelming you?"_

_"__Yes."_

_"__I'm sorry." _

_But Jane could tell he wasn't. The part of herthat was addicted to his attentiveness and his love – all of her that just simply loved him – pushed the feeling aside and kissed him. _

**End Flashback**

"Sorry," Loki said. "I forget that I'm not supposed to notice those things anymore."

She shook her head and sighed. "Don't start with that."

Thor came over then, thank God, and handed Jane a bottled water.

Jane guzzled it down and the coolness of the water did help. She thanked Thor as Loki got up and made his way over to Odin. A minute later, the boat was moving faster and cooling off Jane's heated skin.

She looked over at Loki who was watching her intently and mouthed, "Thank you."

He nodded his head and then looked out at the scenery as it passed by.


	6. VI

**VI**

After sailing, it was decided they would walk into Perkin's Cove. Frigga linked arms with Jane, leaving the men behind so they could pop in an out of each store at their leisure. Perkin's Cove was surrounded by water and had a dock where several boats were held, a footbridge that linked Perkin's Cove to the houses and hotels on the other side of the water. There were several quaint shops and a few restaraunts that made up the area.

Frigga informed her that this was not the whole of Ogunquit. The beact was in Ogunquit proper along with more shops, hotels, and would be going into part of it for dinner that night at The Front Porch. The Front Porch was the most happening place in Ogunquit. Not only was their food amazing, but upstairs from the restaurant was a piano bar. Frigga told her that people would cram themselves in around the grand piano and sing along with the player who also sang. Mostly showtunes, Frigga told her. To Jane that sounded like a blast and she couldn't wait.

She wished Loki had taken her here when they'd been dating and she wondered why he hadn't. Sometimes other things just got in the way of the fun stuff. Such was life. That feeling one gets while away in a different place, a romantic place, had taken hold of Jane. She was finding it difficult to keep her head when all she wanted to do was take his hand, lean into him and feel his arms wrapped around her.

Had she and Loki been here at another time in a different capacity she knew they might not have ever left the bedroom. Not that she ever minded those moments…much.

**Flashback**

_"__Do you think it will always be like this?" Jane asked Loki breathlessly as he stroked in and out of her slick passage. Her hands were on his chest which was damp with sweat. This was their fourth time having sex since they'd gotten up that morning._

_Loki had her trapped under him. Her legs splayed wide with his lithe body between them and his thick cock buried inside her so deeply she didn't know where he ended and she began. His elbows were by her shoulders and his arms caged her head, one of his hands cradling the back of her head as he moved. This was how Loki made love: with intense focus. She rather thought that the world could burn to ashes around them and he wouldn't take note with how focused he was on her. _

_Sometimes it felt like too much. Sometimes she had to look away otherwise she felt as though she was drowning. How did he never feel as though he was drowning?_

_"__Like what?" Loki panted. He changed the angle of his hips and together they moaned at the different penetration. _

_"__Like __**this**__. Like we can't keep our hands off each other." It was only two months in, but still. _

_Loki leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers. "Oh, my Jane. Don't you know? I will never get enough of you. The more I have, the more I want. When it comes to you, I will never be satisfied."_

_His words made her shiver. There was a promise in those words. There was forever in those words. She wasn't accustomed to that. No man she had ever been with spoke like this. They certainly never made her feel like this. _

_Her orgasm ripped through her then and Jane forgot to be terrified by his certainty and gave herself up to him as she always did._

**End Flashback**

"You look sad."

Jane looked up from the postcards she hadn't really been looking at in the store she and Frigga had ducked into, and found the woman herself looking at her in concern. Jane shook her head. "I'm fine."

"I'm a mother, you can't hide from me. What's wrong, dear?"

Jane now knew where Loki got his intensity. "I can't talk to you about it. It's not right."

"Loki."

Tears pricked Jane's eyes and she nodded. She didn't dare speak for she feared she wouldn't be able to stop herself form crying if she did.

"You love him still," Frigga murmured.

"Why does everyone seem to think I broke up with him because I stopped loving him?" Jane burst out, feeling now a spark of irritation. "Of course I still love him. The corpse of our relationship isn't even cold yet. Love had _nothing_ to do with breaking up with Loki."

"Then what is it, Jane? Tell me so I understand," Frigga said encouragingly.

Jane shook her head. "No, Frigga, I can't. He's your son and I'm just…some stupid girl."

"You are not some stupid girl. I've met the stupid girls, Jane. I've met Thor's and I've met Loki's. You are special."

This gave Jane pause. "Loki never really talked about past relationships before. You've met his past girlfriends?"

"Yes."

"And? I mean…what were they life? I've always wondered and Loki never said much."

"Of course he didn't. He didn't want you to think less of him," Frigga said with a laugh. "The girls he dated before were insipid and vacuous and couldn't keep up with my son. They didn't stimulate his mind and he needs that."

Jane snorted.

Frigga laughed. "Oh, I know what you're thinking and yes, I'm certain he dated them for a different kind of stimulation but you are the first _woman_ he's brought home that was the complete package. Brains, beauty, and personality. You were the first one that captured Loki's complete ground him."

Jane frowned. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this anymore, Frigga. I don't want this to turn into a situation where you try to sell why I should take Loki back again."

"I answered your question, Jane, now I wish for you to answer mine."

"Okay," Jane said slowly, bracing herself. "Shoot."

"Why _did_ you break up with my son?"

Jane thought of the miscarriage and decided no, that was not the way to go. It wasn't even an answer to Frigga's question. "Because…because I lost myself with him. What I wanted ceased to matter when it came to what Loki wanted for us. His plans for us became _our_ plans and mine got lost. I got lost. He…consumed me. And I couldn't do it anymore. I was afraid to lose…me completely."

Frigga nodded. She looked sympathetic. Understanding. Not at all angry with Jane. She hoped that meant Frigga understood where she was coming from.

Frigga patted her hands and walked away, leaving Jane to now wonder if she just should have kept her mouth shut.

xxxxxxx

"I think you just need to chill out," Thor said as he and Loki sat together outside one of the shops Jane and Frigga had gone into. Their father was in the convenient store next door getting something to drink and snack on.

"Excuse me?" Loki asked, bracing himself for another one of Thor's infamous big brother talks.

"You're not going to get Jane back by crowding her. You're just going to push her farther away from you. Back off, Loki. Give her some breathing room."

As advice went, Thor's was not terrible. It just wasn't welcome. Mainly because Loki simply didn't want to back off. He feared that if he backed off too much Jane would move on completely and leave him in the dust.

When he thought of the women he had dated before her, he was still in awe of the fact that Jane Foster had been the one to bring him to his knees. He'd dated models. Women with big breasts and bodies and faces that could make a man weep.

Loki knew that in most circles Jane would be considered quite plain compared to the women he'd dated in the past. Yet to Loki, from the moment he'd seen her, she was the single most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He still remembered seeing her in the library, her lips moving as she'd muttered to herself. She did that a lot and it was always entertaining to watch.

He'd known at first glance she was going to change his life. And then, after the first time they actually spoke, he knew he was a goner. And the kicker was that he hadn't even cared. He, who had slept around and broken hearts, who had thought that he was just not meant to fall in love had fallen so very deeply.

Jane was The One. He knew it. She didn't know it. Or, rather, she hadn't at the time, but now she did and was just fighting it. Would things have been different had she not miscarried? Or would she still have slammed on the brakes?

"She'll move on," Loki grumbled. "She'll forget about me."

Thor burst out laughing. "Forget about you? Loki, does anyone ever forget you?"

What an odd question. "I don't know; I'm assuming some have."

"I don't think so. Do you remember that waitress at the diner who always used to wait on us every single time we went in there when we were in our last year of undergrad?"

Loki vaguely remembered this. He and Thor had started meeting at the diner as their go to place for studying that year. He certainly remembered their blueberry pie. "Not really."

"Well, she still asks about you. You made quite an impression on her and now, three years later and she's still asking how you are."

"She could just be making small talk, Thor," Loki said with a roll of his eyes. "I do know that out of the two of us, you're the one who has the most luck with the ladies."

**Flashback**

_"__Where's Jane?" Loki asked Darcy over the noise of the party they were attending. _

_Darcy shrugged. "Not my turn to watch her. Do you want me to put a bell on her or something, Loki?"_

_Loki glared at Jane's friend and Darcy just grinned in response. "Maybe a leash?" she suggested. _

_Loki ignored her and walked away. Jane had said she was going to the kitchen to grab a drink and had yet to return. While the party was in the house of a mutual friend, Loki and Jane had commented that they still didn't know a lot of people in attendance. He worried now that some obnoxious drunk idiot had cornered her. _

_He went to the kitchen and froze when he saw Jane in the corner of the kitchen beaming up at Thor. Oh, no. No. What the bloody hell was Thor doing here? And how the hell had he managed to corner Jane of all people?_

_Loki pushed his way through the crowd. He hadn't wanted to introduce Jane to Thor yet. Not until he knew that Jane was undeniably his. _

_He came up to the pair and slipped an arm about Jane's waist and drew her close. "There you are, darling," he said as jovially as he could muster. _

_He was pleased when Jane leaned into him. "Loki, I just met your brother!"_

_Loki forced a smile. "I see. Is that what took you so long to return?"_

_Jane nodded. "He knew who I was even though I had no clue who he was."_

_"__I introduced myself," Thor said and then looked at Loki with a grin. "I like her."_

_Loki glared at him, sending him the message: She's mine. _

_Thor's grin grew and he held out a hand to Jane. "It was nice to meet you, Jane."_

_Jane, who was more than a little tipsy, left Loki's arms to hug Thor. "It was nice to meet Loki's big brother," she said. _

_Loki sent daggers with his gaze at Thor over Jane's head. Thor just laughed and Jane left Thor's arms for Loki's. Loki held her close against him as Thor waved and left. _

_Jane must have noticed that Loki was holding himself a bit stiffly, for she looked up at him in question. "You okay?"_

_He nodded. "So, uh, what did you think of Thor?"_

_She smiled. "He's really nice. He promised me had all sorts of stories to tell me about you, and I think he could crush my head with his bicep."_

_"__Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Loki asked with a frown. _

_"__I like my head. I think I'll keep it." She got up on her tiptoes and kissed him. Loki crushed him to her and deepened the kiss. _

_"__Whoa, dizzy," Jane giggled and pulled away from the kiss to rest her head on Loki's chest. _

_"__How about we leave and go to your place?" he asked huskily. _

_She nodded and looked up at him with a siren's smile. Jane Foster was definitely going to be the death of him. _

**End Flashback**

"I think," Thor said, "that you are selling yourself short. You've lost your confidence. Get it back and you'll find that you haven't lost Jane at all despite evidence to the contrary. Have some faith and you'll find her back in no time."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Anyone ever tell you that when you speak, you sound like one of those goddamn inspirational plaques Mother likes so much?"

Thor grinned. "Yep. You."


	7. VII

**VII**

Jane made her way down the stairs dressed in her "little black dress" that was basically satin, came down to her knees and had an empire waist. It was simple and understated and her.

She went out onto the porch to wait for everyone and was not surprised to find Loki sitting in one of the rocking chairs. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie and just looked so goddamn handsome she couldn't stand it. He stood when he saw her and smiled. "Jane, you look beautiful," he said.

She smiled. "Well, you've seen this getup before. I'm afraid I'm not very adventurous when it comes to my dress up clothes."

"I still love that dress."

She smirked. She knew exactly why he loved the dress. He had gotten lucky the night she wore it on a particularly fancy date. Jane didn't think going down that memory lane with him was such a good idea however.

"Did you have a good time today?" he asked.

"I did. Did you?"

He nodded, watching her in that intent Loki way of his. Jane walked away from him and went to the railing. She placed her hands on the top of the wood and looked out at the water. "I can't imagine why you guys would prefer to live in Boston rather than here," she said with a wistful sigh.

"I imagine that if we were here all the time we might get sick of it," Loki said as he came up beside her.

"Blasphemy," she said and he chuckled. "Do you come over the winter at all? I don't recall you ever mentioning…?"

"If we can. Mainly we just come in the summer. I was only able to make it once last summer."

"The weekend I went away to see my parents?"

"That's the one."

Conversation came to a screeching halt and Jane began tapping her nails against the wood. What did you talk about with someone you were no longer with? The obvious – their former relationship – was like the elephant in the room. It felt as large as the ocean spread out before them.

Loki placed his hand over hers to stop her and Jane sucked in a deep breath, staring down at his hand. She loved his hands. She'd never paid much attention to a man's hands before Loki. They were just so long and almost…graceful – if that could be said about a man's hands. Plus, they could work some serious magic.

Jane could feel his eyes on her and she felt a tremble course through her. No one had ever made her feel the weight of their stare like Loki. Slowly, she looked up at him.

"Jane," he whispered and began to lean in.

"Well, are we ready then?"

Thor's booming voice cut through the haze followed by the sound of Frigga and Odin. Jane jerked away from Loki and turned to smile at everyone. She heard Loki emit a sigh and then they were all walking to the cars to leave for The Front Porch.

xxxxxxxx

The Front Porch was crowded and boisterous. Jane could hear the revelers before they even reached the restaurant. While they waited to push past the throng of people outside waiting for a table (Odin had called days before to reserve a table), Jane looked up to the second floor of the establishment and smiled when she saw people sitting at tables looking positively ecstatic. The song "He Had it Coming" from Chicago was the song being played and Jane could hear the piano player singing exuberantly along with several other voices. She couldn't wait to get up there.

Finally, they were led to their table that was really just a giant half-moon booth. They all squeezed in together, laughing as they did. Jane ended up between both brothers and she tried not to react when she felt Loki's thigh rest against hers. She busied herself taking in her surroundings. The sleek mahogany of the tables and chairs, the stark white upholstery of the booths, and the very professional waiters who whore all black except for the apron that covered them from chest to shin. The lighting was dim and people were dressed to the nines. Jane felt rather blah compared to some of the women in the place.

"Drink, Jane?" Loki said, placing a hand on her arm and then pointing at the waiter looking expectantly at her.

She blushed. "Sorry, I was just taking it all in. I'll have…I guess I'll just have a Moscato?"

The waiter noted that in his pad and excused himself.

"The old standby," Loki said with a chuckle.

"Shut up," Jane said, but there was no bite to her words.

"After all the wines I've introduced you to…"

"All the wines you got me drunk on more like," she retorted.

"You never complained," he said musedly as he looked over his menu.

"How could I? I was drunk."

**Flashback**

_"__So, what did you think of the Pinot Noir?" Loki asked as he pulled Jane down beside him on the couch. _

_She didn't so much nestle as flop down beside him. She was just one step beyond tipsy, and it was a good thing there was no more wine left or she'd be rip-roaring drunk before long. Jane curled herself into Loki as he wrapped an arm about her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. _

_They were in his apartment and had just eaten dinner together in his dining room because of course Loki Odinson would have a giant dining room. And it really wasn't so much of an apartment as a penthouse. Jane didn't know anyone else who had their own place, plus a room still at his parent's mansion just in case he wanted to go home for a couple days. It was amazing to her. _

_"__I liked it," she murmured and blew air out of her mouth, causing her lips to vibrate. She giggled. "I can't feel my lips."_

_"__Have I told you today that I love you?" he murmured. _

_"__Yes. When I got here. And you sent me a text this morning." She looked up at him and smiled. "I love you, too."_

_He smiled and kissed her sweetly. Jane rested her head on his chest, right over his heart. She loved the steady rhythm of it right under her ear. _

_"__I want you to imagine something," he said, his voice lowering to that deep timbre he used when they made love. _

_"__Okay," she said. _

_"__There's a giant house – colonial. Perhaps one of the old ones in Cambridge?"_

_"__Yes, I see it. Cream colored. Or maybe a brick one with black shutters."_

_"__Either one, but it's ours – and yes, it is within our price range."_

_Jane giggled and poked him lightly in the ribs. He laughed. _

_"__It'll have a huge yard and tons of gardens to toil in," he continued. "I'll even mow the lawn on occasion."_

_"__I will need to take photographic evidence of course," she quipped. _

_"__In the backyard we'll have a special place for the latest and best telescope so that you can look up at the stars to your hearts content."_

_She smiled. "I like that. Will there be a place for you to practice your rowing?"_

_"__Of course. And in the backyard we'll have a swingset for our kids."_

_Jane sat up and looked down at him. "Loki, where are you going with this?" This wasn't the first time Loki had imagined a future for them. Usually they started out normal and then grew silly – that he would be President and then slowly convert everyone to the religion of Loki, and that Jane was the leading scientist in her field and had discovered a way to time travel. Kids were never part of the fantasy._

_"__It's imaginary for now. But it will be our reality. After we graduate."_

_"__That's next year!"_

_"__So? Don't you think of it? Of what will happen after we graduate?"_

_She scrunched up her face into thought. "Yeah, I think about what kind of job I'll get – and where."_

_Loki sat up and looked at her. He looked serious now. "You don't think of us together still?"_

_"__We haven't hit the year mark, Loki. We have so much to accomplish first. I think of us together, yes, but I think of us figuring out what we're going to do with our lives after we graduate."_

_"__Job. House. Marriage. Kids."_

_"__What if I don't want to get married right away? Or have kids right away? What if I want time to settle in to a new job and what if that job isn't even __**the**__ job? What if—"_

_"__What if you stop worrying?" he asked softly and put a finger to her mouth. "Okay, so we won't get married straight away, but we'll live together, yes?"_

_She moved his finger off her mouth. "It all depends on where we end up—"_

_"__We'll end up together, Jane," he said firmly, authoritatively. "There is no path that doesn't end with us together."_

_"__Loki—"_

_"__You like the idea of the house don't you? Of that telescope and the flower gardens?"_

_"__Yes, but it's not real."_

_"__It will be," he said and kissed her. He kissed her dizzy and then he laid her out on the couch and stripped her clothes off, telling her how happy they would be, how he'd build her a lab or her own planetarium if she wanted. By the time they were joined and she was nearing orgasm, she was agreeing to everything not realizing how to Loki it wasn't just a hope for the future, but a foregone conclusion. _

**End Flashback**

"Do you know what you want?" Loki asked, breaking her out of her memory.

Jane blinked, her vision having gotten a little blurred from staring at the menu without even really looking at it.

"Might I suggest the chicken parm? I know it's your favorite and it's fabulous here."

Jane ordered the prime rib. 


	8. VIII

**Thank you very much everyone! I love to hear your thoughts about how things are progressing! **

**VIII**

**Flashback**

_Jane opened her apartment door to find Loki standing there with a big smile on his face. He took one look at her and his smile fell. "What's wrong?"_

_Jane thought of the pregnancy test currently in the trash. "What are you doing here?"_

_He frowned. "I just wanted to see you. Is that all right or…?"_

_She bit her lip and tried to calm herself. Ever since seeing the positive sign on the pregnancy test she had felt as though she could crawl right out of her skin. She needed to move. To get out. To breathe. And it felt as though there wasn't any air in her apartment. _

_"__I need to get out of here," she said. _

_"__Okay, were you heading out somewhere in particular? Would you like some company? You don't look right, love." He reached out to touch her and Jane flinched away. What she wanted to do was run. Go for a pavement pounding run to get rid of this hysterical feeling bubbling up inside of her. _

_She never ran. On the treadmill once in a while, sure, but running in general was not her preferred form of exercise. And now she wanted to. _

_"__Jane?" Loki looked worried now. Very worried. _

_Cue hysteria. _

_Jane burst into tears and Loki pushed his way in, shut the door with his foot and drew her into his arms only to have Jane push herself out of them. "I can't breathe!" she exclaimed. _

_"__Jane, sweetheart, baby…please let me help you!" This was perhaps the first time Jane had ever seen Loki looking utterly lost and helpless. Frightened even. _

_She sank down on the kitchen floor and just let it all out. Loki knelt before her and just watched her, waiting for her to speak. Finally, she looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm pregnant." And because she knew this would not be bad news to Loki, she said, "I'm sorry. I'm just…I'm not ready. Nowhere near ready."_

_The look of awe on his face made her feel worse for feeling absolutely gutted by this. It wasn't that Jane didn't want children, she did. Just__** not yet. **__She had school to finish, a career she wanted to start. If traveling was part of her job then she wanted to be able to do that. This was not part of the plan. Not yet. Not for a long while. She felt like everything was crumbling down around her. _

_Loki sat down on the floor before her and linked their hands together. It wasn't helping. In fact, it was making her feel worse. She pulled her hands from his grasp and he looked hurt. She looked down so she wouldn't have to look at him. _

_"__I know what you're thinking," she said. _

_"__Really? And what is that?" He was irritated with her. Good. She could handle that. She almost felt a little irritated with him, too. He was so adamant about them building a life together that if Jane didn't know any better she'd say he'd engineered this whole damn thing._

_"__You don't see anything wrong with me being pregnant. It's what you've wanted."_

_"__I would prefer that when it did happen you would be happy about having my child."_

_"__No, don't you dare. Don't you play one of your fucking mind games on me and make it sound as if I don't want your baby."_

_"But you clearly don't!"_

_"__I don't want __**a**__ baby, Loki! I don't want any baby at all; it wouldn't matter if it was Tom Hiddleston's baby! I. don't. want. A child! Not now."_

_"__I understand that."_

_"__Do you?" she snapped._

_His eyes narrowed. "Yes. I know that now is not the time for us to have a child. I know there are things you want to do. Things you want to accomplish before we're there."_

_"__And now I won't be able to accomplish any of that."_

_Loki shook his head. "That's not true."_

_"__Loki—"_

_"__Just listen to me," he said gently and moved to sit beside her. _

_She sighed and let her head fall back against the kitchen cabinets. "I'm listening."_

_"__Our plans will have to be adjusted, but we can make this work," he said. All Jane could think was '__**Our**__ plans?' "We'll move in together. I can move in here or you can move in with me – though my place is larger – and you'll continue your studies. Take classes over the summer so you can finish that much sooner. You can still take classes online with whatever you need to finish by the time the baby is here and I'll help you. You won't be alone, Jane. This is our child and you will not have to do this alone. We'll even wait until after we graduate to get married. We will take this one step at a time. We'll hire a nanny so we can both work. We can do this."_

_Jane had never imagined having a nanny. Celebrities had nannies. Regular people like her didn't have nannies. Although people like Loki had nannies. And maybe it wouldn't be such an awful thing. It meant she could still pursue her dream of being an astrophysicist. It wasn't ideal, no, but maybe there was a way to make this work. _

_Maybe they could do this. _

_Loki wrapped his arm around her and drew her close to his side and Jane leaned into him, allowing him to be her strength. Allowing him to tell her that everything would be okay even if she felt as though she was drowning. _

**End Flashback**

After dinner, followed by cake (Frigga would open her presents at home), they all trooped upstairs to partake of the piano bar. Jane though, was having a hard time relaxing. She couldn't stop thinking about the day she learned she was pregnant. About how she had never fully embraced the future Loki had painted for her in such detail. And then, when she'd lost the baby she had been consumed with guilt for feeling relieved. What kind of awful person felt relieved after losing a baby? That was not to say she didn't feel sad for having lost something that was made up of her and Loki. Of course she felt sad about it.

Loki had been devastated. He'd been with her when she started having cramps. And then started spotting. They'd rushed to the emergency room where she'd been dealt the news that she was losing the baby.

Loki had gone quiet. He held her as she cried, never knowing that it was him she was really sad for. She felt as though she'd failed him.

Days later, after having some time to process it all, Jane had broken up with him.

**Flashback**

_Jane's heart was thudding as she knocked on Loki's penthouse door. She had talked to Darcy at length about this, had spent sleepless nights thinking about this. She was going to break up with Loki. Not because she didn't love him, but because she had lost something vital while with him: herself. _

_How things had careened so out of control she didn't know, but things had gotten too serious too fast and she'd let Loki commandeer the whole thing whilst feeling that what she wanted out of life was being compromised. Being pregnant had startled her into snapping out of the fog of love she'd been in where she kept telling herself that it would all work itself out. Losing the baby had served as a second chance to get back on the right track. _

_It wasn't that she didn't love Loki. She did. She'd never loved anyone as much as she loved Loki, but she couldn't do this anymore. She felt like a passenger in her own life instead of being in the driver's seat. From the start Loki had commandeered their relationship and Jane had just let him. She was new to this serious relationship business, especially one as intense as this was. _

_Loki looked surprised but pleased to see her when he answered the door. He took her in his arms and kissed her softly. "How's my girl?" he asked gently. "How do you feel?"_

_"__I feel fine," she said and trembled a little._

_He gazed down at her searchingly and then kissed her forehead. "I'll be ready to go in a minute. I was just finishing an email to one of my professors. He thinks he knows enough about politics in the UK to teach a class about it and I am stating my case as to why I should teach that class."_

_Jane laughed and then shook her head. "Seriously?"_

_"__Well, yes. I am from the UK—"_

_"__But you haven't been there in years."_

_"__I keep up with the news."_

_"__Of course you do," she muttered. _

_Loki took a step back and studied her. "Jane, are you sure you're okay? You don't seem right."_

_The best way to break up with someone was quickly, like ripping a band-aid off, right? "I'm breaking up with you."_

_Loki stared at her. He looked as though the words were just running around his head but not quite penetrating his mind. "What?"_

_"__I'm ending our relationship," she said, stronger this time. _

_He laughed softly and then shook his head, but his eyes told her he was scared. Worried. "No, you're not, Jane. We're forever."_

_"__I can't do this anymore. I can't be told what our plans are going to be and what my life will be like and have no say in any of it. I didn't want to end up pregnant and yet I did. Then I lost it and I just can't with any of this anymore, Loki."_

_"__Jane, you're upset because of the miscarriage, but this is not what you want—"_

_"__Yes it is!" she exclaimed. "Stop telling what I feel and what I want as if you're in my head. You're not. I know what I want, Loki. I know what I need. And I need to not be in this relationship with you anymore. You have our whole lives mapped out and you expect me to just go along with it. Well, I can't. Not anymore. I want a life – _**_my_**_life." _

_He shook his head. "No. No. I'm not letting you go. I don't accept this."_

_"__It doesn't matter if you accept it or not. It's happening. It's over."_

_"__Jane, no—" He practically leapt at her and Jane moved quickly away from him. "We love each other!" he shouted._

_"__It's not enough." The tears came now, and she wiped furiously at them. "I'm sorry."_

_"__I'll back off. Whatever you need I'll give it to you. This…ending us? That can't happen."_

_"__But it is. And I know you. You say now that you'll back off, but you won't. Not for very long. You have this way of…manipulating me and manipulating things to get your way I won't be part of it anymore. I can't."_

_"__Jane, we just lost a child. We should be supporting each other instead of separating. I know you felt the loss, too—"_

_"__I'm not arguing with you, Loki. It's not up for discussion. I know you can argue your way out of anything and into anything, but I'm not doing that with you. I'm sorry…I…I have to go."_

_She hurried out of his penthouse before she completely lost it and when he blew up her phone later, she turned it off. _

**_End Flashback _**

"Hey…"

Jane started when Loki placed his hand on the side of her face and turned her head to face him. He smiled slightly. "I've been trying to get your attention. Did you hear what I said?"

She blinked and shook her head. She was still there. Still in that place when she'd broken his heart. Hers too.

"Where were you? What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she said and shook him off.

"Jane. Talk to me, love," he said and grabbed her hand.

Jane yanked her hand free and glared at him. "Stop, Loki. Just stop. Stop trying to get to me. Stop acting like you're the only wounded party and that I don't know what I really want. I know in your mind I'm just big bad terrible Jane that broke up with you because I don't know what I'm doing or what I want when the fact is, you don't know what I want out of life because you can't conceive that what I want doesn't match up exactly to what **you** want." She sighed heavily. "If you'll excuse me." She stormed off and met Thor at the bar where he was getting drinks for all of them. She needed a breather from Loki, from the memories – from all of it.

Thor took one look at her and knew something was wrong. "What happened? What did Loki do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get through the night."

"What do you say after we get our drinks we get some air, yeah?"

Jane didn't reply because she knew that going outside with Thor would just open a whole new bag of worms with Loki. And part of her wanted to do it just to get back at him for orchestrating this entire weekend and using his mother to do it.


	9. IX

Thank you Imogen74 for all your help! You are the best! :)

**IX**

"What the hell happened?" Thor asked after they'd gotten everyone's drinks and deposited them. He'd wanted to go outside, Jane had begged off and so now they stood off to the side together. Jane could feel Loki's eyes on them and she refused to feel bad about talking to Thor because she was sans her best friend this weekend and needed someone to talk to. However, Jane also knew there was only so much she could tell Loki's brother.

"All day I've been thinking about me and Loki. About our relationship. The good times we had, which inevitably led to the bad times and I just…I _know_ he orchestrated this whole weekend. I _know_ your mother probably helped him because she loves her son and wants to see him happy, and I don't blame her for that, but I just feel…" She stopped talking because her voice cracked and she welled up in tears.

"Jane, do you want to go back to the house?"

She nodded. "But I don't want to cause a scene and I don't want to cause any problems."

"Just say that you're not feeling well and I'll take you back."

"Oh, Loki would love that."

"Loki will get over it."

"No, he won't. He doesn't get over much. I'll just stay and…and I'm going to go outside and call Darcy." Her mind began to race. "Yes, yes, that's it." She whipped her phone out of her pocket. "Tell them I need to call Darcy back. That she texted me 9-1-1 or something."

Thor sighed. He looked like he thought she was making too much of this and maybe she was, but the last thing she wanted was to cause a scene or disrupt Frigga's birthday because she needed to get away from Loki. "Fine," he said and took her drink.

Jane flashed him a grateful smile and made her way quickly out of the restaurant. She did in fact plan to call Darcy. She needed someone to talk to.

She found a spot around the corner from the restaurant in a small little area with a couple benches and a patch of grass. She sat down and dialed Darcy and waited for her to pick up. And waited…and waited…

"Hey, this is Darcy—"

Fuck it. She wasn't leaving a message. Jane sighed and buried her face in her hands. She sat back and closed her eyes, focusing on just calming herself and her body. She was tense all over. And each minute that went by she kept thinking that Loki was going to pop up and demand to know what was wrong with her and she couldn't, she just could not deal with him right now. This whole weekend had been one giant mistake. She needed to be _away_ from Loki, not in his direct vicinity. Being around him reminded her of too many things. Things that she loved, that she missed, and the things that she didn't like at all.

Her phone began to chirp and when Jane saw that it was Darcy, she felt better already. "Darcy," she said. "Thank God."

"Hey, what's going on? I saw you called."

"I need help."

"With? Oh my God. You killed Loki and you need to dispose of the body. Jane, the ocean is right there. Push him in."

Jane giggled. "No, that's not it. Although if things keep going as they are…"

"Is he hovering? He's doing that hovering thing he does isn't he?"

"If by hover you mean he watches me like a hawk and manages to get me alone, then yes. He maintains enough distance so that he's not on top of me and smothering me, but just enough to let me know he's there."

Darcy sighed. "Well, this weekend was a mistake."

"No shit. And now I find that I'm…I'm kind of angry. When we first broke up I was just sad. Sad about the whole thing – losing his baby, ending our relationship, hurting him…I just felt awful. And now I find I'm angry. I _know_ he orchestrated this entire weekend. I _know_ that he's hoping if he hovers just enough I'll crack. Does he think I'm weak? That I'm stupid or something? Does he think that without him I'll wither away and die?"

"No, I think Loki thinks that without you _he_ will wither away and die."

"What?"

"Jane, as someone who had front row seats to your entire relationship from start to finish, I have never seen a man as in love with a woman as Loki is with you. That's not to say that he didn't manipulate you at times to get what he wanted. He did. But you never spoke up. You went with it all."

"I know. I didn't know what I was doing. I kind of hoped that things would work themselves out. And then they didn't."

"They never do. You have to address them with the other person. Granted, the other person also has to listen. I've been kind of rooting for him to get his head out of his ass and for you guys to figure it out. I think you guys had to part ways because quite frankly you needed to take a stand and Loki needed to stop what he was doing. It just sucks that you had to lose a baby for this all to come out…"

"It hasn't really come out. We never really talked about it. I broke up with and that was that. I told him a little about why, but I was afraid to get into with him because I was afraid he'd find a way back in and I'd be back where I started."

"Jane, you have to talk to him about it. So you can both let go if that's what you want."

Tears spilled down Jane's cheeks and she nodded despite the fact that Darcy couldn't see her. She wiped at her eyes. "You know what I wonder?" she asked softly.

"What?"

"How he can still love me. I failed him."

"Jane, _no_. _No_, you did _not_ fail him. Miscarriages happen; it does _not_ mean you failed. And I highly doubt Loki feels that way at all. "

"Not only did I lose the baby, but I didn't even want it. What kind of person am I? It was made up of me and him and all I could think about was how hard everything was going to get. How hard I would have to fight to get what I wanted because I had a child to think of first. How selfish is that? I mean, there were moments when I would think about what he or she would look like. How much of Loki it would have, how much of me. I wanted our child to have his smile. Even his mischievousness."

"Oh, Jane. Honey, everything you felt was normal. You know how I said that Loki is the type of guy that had everything figured out at like age ten?"

"Yes."

"You're actually the same way. You had a plan: undergrad, grad, career – and you knew that what you wanted to do would take time to establish. Careers don't just fall into a person's lap unless they're extremely lucky. You knew that when all you wanted was in place you would be ready for the next step – marriage, kids, et cetera. But then you met Loki, and those things changed and your rigid control and his rigid control clashed. He made you the center of his world very quickly and you weren't ready. You had no frame of reference for this kind of relationship. He was your first serious one, and boy is he a doozy. You didn't take a few tentative steps; you just hit the ground running."

Jane laughed, despite the tears coursing down her cheeks. "What do I do, Darcy? What do I do now?"

"You sit that gorgeous man down and you have a conversation. He needs a voice. You need a voice. You both need to have the floor and get it all out. Then decide what you want to come next."

Jane nodded and looked up towards the restaurant. Loki was coming right towards her and he looked mighy determined. "I think we're about to have that conversation now. I'll call you later."

"Good luck."

Jane hung up and stood, watching Loki come toward her. He stopped a few feet from her and then erupted. "What do you want of me, Jane, hmm? You break up with me without any real reason—"

"There were reasons."

"More of me deciding our future? Making decisions without you?"

"Do you deny that you did that?"

"You agreed to our plans."

"They weren't our plans. They were yours. You found way to wring promises from me and shame on me for not stopping you."

He laughed mockingly. "And how did I illicit these promises from you, Jane?"

"You know how."

"You never said anything after. I thought we were in agreement."

"Yes, of course you thought that, because I stupidly never said anything."

"Why didn't you?"

"You're a master manipulator? You know exactly how to get what you want, Loki. Don't pretend that you don't."

He said nothing.

Jane sat down, emitting a weary sigh. "Can we just talk for a minute?"

"What do you want me to say? I'm the evil awful person for loving you and wanting you to stay in my life—"

"Don't twist my words. I don't think you're evil and I don't think you're awful. Pushy I'll give you."

"It may not have escaped your attention that I'm accustomed to getting what I want…"

"I'm aware. Am I just something that you wanted?"

Loki frowned and then sat down on the bench across from her. "You weren't _just_ anything. You are not _just_ anything. You're the One."

Jane cocked her head to the side. "You believe in that?"

"Yes, I do. My father knew when he met my mother and vice versa." He sat back. "You don't believe in that. Or you don't believe I'm the One for you."

"I've never really given much thought I guess to the whole soul mate, twin flame, the One business. I never really believed in love period. Not until you."

"The same for me with you."

"Really?"

He nodded and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "I've dated women, Jane. Lot of women. None of them had that…spark."

"Spark?"

"You have fire."

"Why did you want to snuff it out?"

"I didn't," he said earnestly. He looked down at the ground. "I've always been afraid of losing you."

"You? Afraid of something?" she asked incredulously. "How is that even possible?"

"We come from two different worlds, Jane. Our family life, what we're used to…you're studying to be an astrophysicist. I'm learning how to take over the world."

"I'm pretty sure they don't teach that class."

"I've seen you talk about theories with your classmates. I've seen you corner your professors to discuss your ideas with them. I've seen how passionate you get about your work. A bomb could go off and I'm certain you wouldn't hear it if you had your nose in one of your science books. I've heard you talk about how some astrophysicists travel the world. I didn't want to lose you after I'd just found you. I wanted you to feel as passionate about me as you did about your work. I wanted to know that some part of you would be focused on me, that you had a _home_ with me. That I had a home with _you_. I've never…I've never felt anything like this before. This consuming love and need for another person. I felt your hesitance and it made me panic. I just wanted to keep you still and in one place."

"I guess I've never really been sure about anything but the stars. I was never good with relationships. I never really had any. You were the first serious one, and I didn't know what I was doing. I kept thinking that everything would just work out. I lost myself in you, Loki. Someone as self-possessed as you has to understand how terrifying that can be."

"Yes, but then I didn't mind so much losing myself in you."

"But you still maintained control while I floundered. Loki, you mentioned marriage on our third date!"

"I wasn't being serious," he said with a wave of his hand. She just looked at him and he sighed. "Half serious."

"You're right that I wasn't always certain about us. I was still trying to find my way in something that happened so fast. I had a plan for my life and you weren't part of it. I didn't count on you and you took me by surprise. But you made me lose my head entirely."

"Was it all bad?"

"Not at all. Just the parts where you would tell me what our plan was like it was a forgone conclusion and I didn't really have any say. When I got pregnant and you started breaking things down for me I knew that you were just telling me what I wanted to hear."

"Jane—"

"Loki, be honest with me. You had no intention of waiting very long to get that house you talked about and to get us married. Did you?"

He sighed heavily and looked her straight in the eye. "No. Now you've wrung the truth from me and made me the villain in your story—"

"You're not a villain. I don't think of you that way. But I do wonder how you don't think of me that way."

He looked startled by that. "What do you mean?"

"You knew I didn't want to be pregnant."

He looked at her solemnly. "Yes."

"And then I miscarried."

He nodded, looking down. "And then you left me."

"I couldn't look at you."

"What?" He looked up at her.

"You looked so gutted when I lost the baby. I kept seeing your face. I felt so awful because a part of me was relieved. And then I felt like an awful person for feeling that way. I failed you in our relationship, I failed you in losing our child, and I failed you in not wanting it as much as you did."

The look on Loki's face was one of pained surprise. And then he was up and wrapping his arms around Jane as she sobbed into his shoulder. When she felt his body tremble against hers, she knew that he was crying too.


	10. AN

So this is obviously not a chapter. But an Author's Note.

I see that some are not quite pleased with Jane! I get it. Sort of. I would just like to state that in Jane's defense Loki did know already that Jane didn't want a child yet so I'm not QUITE sure how her telling him that is any big news. What he didn't know was how guilty she felt about the whole thing because she felt as though she'd failed him. She can't change how she feels and she simply was not ready to have a child. You can sure as hell bet that if I ended up pregnant now I would NOT be happy. LOL. And I don't think that makes me a terrible person. Perhaps she didn't handle it in the best way, but if they both handled things well then there would be no story lol.

I've tried to make them both flawed and yet rootable, but I suppose I have failed in that. My apologies.


	11. X

So, I took a break. I thank you all for the support, and I apologize for bowing out for a bit, but there was a lot going on outside of this fic. I started school last week and my schedule at work changed so it's a whole new routine of work and studying to get used to. I was a bit all over the place so I suppose that made me lose my head for a bit. Sorry about that!

**X**

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered as she clutched Loki's shoulders. "I'm sorry I wasn't… more. Better. I'm sorry I lost the baby—"

"Jane, no—"

"I'm sorry I handled it so badly. I'm sorry I wasn't ready. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Stop. Look at me."

Jane looked up at him.

He framed her face with his hands. "You're not responsible for the miscarriage. I know these things happen—"

"But if I had felt differently about it. If I had been as excited as you were—"

"That has nothing to do with it, and you know it. Do I wish you wanted our child as much as I did? Yes. Do I wish you would have told me how you felt after instead of breaking up with me? Of course. I don't blame you for the loss of our child, Jane. I don't."

"I felt like I couldn't talk to you about it. I knew if I did you'd talk me out of it and I had to get away—"

He winced. "You had to get away from me?"

"This is why I'm a scientist. I suck with words and feelings and relationships. I can't explain what was going on in my head and what I felt—"

"Try."

Jane heaved a deep sigh and nodded. "I felt so guilty after I lost the baby. And wrong. I felt wrong for you, wrong in my life – everything was just a mess. It was too much and I needed…order. Before you my life was orderly. Everything had a place and everything was in its place. I compartmentalized with the best of them. Then I fell in love with you and I felt like…" she searched for the words. "I felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under me and I was on my ass looking up and wondering what the hell had just happened. All the things I compartmentalized were in disarray. Jumbled together and I was scrambling about, trying to get things back to how they were but they just kept getting jumbled."

"I'm sorry?"

"I don't regret falling in love with you, Loki. I just wish you hadn't tried to push me so quickly into the vision you had for our lives. I was busy experiencing all these new feelings and this relationship and you were talking about marriage and kids and a house and it was too fast. And when I tried to tell you I wasn't ready you'd seduce me and make me lose my head. Or you'd talk about it in a way that made it seem silly for me to not agree and I felt like I'd lost track of the conversation. Later I would realize that things hadn't gotten exactly right. I should have said something, but I didn't."

Loki hung his head. "I'm sorry. All I wanted to hold on to you and all I ended up doing was pushing you further away from me." He looked up at her searchingly. "What now? Where do we go from here?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know."

"What do you want to do?" he asked quietly.

"I want us to stop hurting."

"How do we accomplish that?"

"More of this? More talking? Can we do that? Can that be enough for now?"

Loki wiped the tears away that were on her cheeks and smiled gently. "Yes. What do you say we get out of here? Do you want to go back to the house?"

Jane nodded and then looked towards the restaurant. "Your Mom though…"

"It's okay. I'll handle it. Just wait here for me, okay?"

She nodded and he got up, smiled at her, and went back to the restaurant.

Jane sat back and sighed, feeling drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. Relationships were work.

When Loki came back with keys to Thor's car, telling her that everything was fine and that Thor would just ride with Odin and Frigga, they walked to the car in silence. People were out and about and Jane took the time to not think and just take in the sights and the sounds around her.

"You could go back and just drop me off," Jane told him as she rested her head back on the headrest.

"No, I think I'll stay at the house with you. Perhaps make some hot tea for us?"

"That sounds nice."

After they each showered and changed, Jane met Loki in the kitchen while he brewed them some hot ginger tea. "I'm exhausted," Jane said on a yawn.

"Me too, actually," Loki murmured as he sat down across from Jane at the kitchen table and poured them their tea. "Jane, I'm sorry I orchestrated this whole weekend."

She pointed at him. "I _knew_ it!" she said triumphantly. "And your Mom? You roped her into helping, didn't you?"

He nodded. "I was hoping that spending time together without school and all that other junk we left in Boston, we could find our way back."

"But the junk is still there, Loki. It wouldn't have made the junk any less. And it's not really anything there that caused any of this. It was us. We were on two different pages."

"How do we get on the same page then?"

"I'm not ready to jump into anything again." He nodded slowly and Jane could see the disappointment on his face. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"It's…" Loki paused and Jane could see that whatever he was about to say it wasn't easy for him. "…possible that I did coerce you into agreeing to what I wanted by…"

"Manipulation? A turn of a few phrases? You broke things down into what sounded like a rational and cohesive argument – a scientist's delight – but it was still done to get me over to your way of thinking."

"Yes."

"Are you apologizing?"

He looked up at her and nodded.

"That doesn't mean I'm still ready to jump into anything with you again, Loki," she said softly. "But I do thank you for the apology."

They sipped their tea as silence fell. Jane felt stupid. What kind of scientist would she make if Loki's manipulations could have so easily worked? Or was it that he was just that good? Was part of it that she had just been so taken with him that she blocked out what he was doing because why would he do that if he loved her?

"You're thinking hard," he said, breaking her out of her thoughts. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm not so much thinking as feeling…"

"Feeling what?"

"Too many things to process." She sighed heavily and shook her head. "I hate being human. I hate having feelings. I'd rather be a robot."

Loki smirked. "I understand that. Does it help that it's not easy for me either? I was really great at keeping others at a safe distance from me until you came along. Then you just burrowed right into my heart and didn't let go."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not."

"You should be. I'm not worth all that…this."

He pointed at her, his expression thunderous. "Don't you dare say that."

She wouldn't then. She'd just think it.

"Don't even think it," he said sternly.

"Oh, come on! Really?" Jane exclaimed and then they both started to laugh.

Loki reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. "Jane, maybe we don't jump into anything again. Maybe we try something different."

She cocked her head to the side. "Like what?"

"Like we start over, but slowly. We go back to that time when we were getting to know each other walking to and from classes. We talk. We get to know each other all over again. You set the pace this time."

She bit her lip. "Can we do that? Don't you think too much has happened and passed between us to go back to the beginning?"

He smiled broadly. "I think anything is possible. What do you say?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Fucking up. Aren't you?"

"Terrified, but when has that ever stopped me?"

She smiled. "Never."

"So? Will you try with me?"


End file.
